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Thursday, September 23, 2004 The Emotional Roller Coster.Well I suppose here i go again, another day of my killing myself inside. Listening to songs like 'far behind-candlebox','Eels-I need some sleep' and 'It's a motherf**ker-Eels'.... Particularly sad songs which always bring me to a state of utmost depression. And to think, just this afternoon i was having a great time fooling around with good pals... somthing just HAD to change that I suppose. I guess i'm supposed to be happy about it. But I guess that it's been way too long since i've been havin that feeling, I took the blow the first time, second, third, fourth and nows the fith. I guess that it can't hold much longer. I've got to say that it's proberbly been the worst year of all to me. Too many roller-coster rides with different people have gotten me confused, down, annoyed, angry and in a worse state than i've known before. And just like all roller coster rides, once you take too many, You just get sick. Now's the case that i'm just sick and tired of everything. Ppl see me in mac's, school, church whatever. Wearing my happy face, a mask which cover's myself, the wonder's of pretending seems to fascinate me mentally. As usual with my phrase of versatile expressions. Truth is, I have a huge habit of covering up my sadness, worries, tearings, hurt, pain etc. with joy, happiness and laughter. A habit which i've held for a long long time. A darkness seems to be overpowering me very strongly. Suppose it's time for me to go to confession. And somehow, i believe that that very same Dark power, are my ghosts of past and present. Stupid things that seem to cling and add to my horrible state no matter what i do. That's what i get I suppose... for being such an idiot. without special ppl in this crap filled world, i've already have hung or suffocated myself a long long time ago. And to everyone, the church a wonderful place, don't abuse it. I suppose I'm still young, and proberbly haven't had the full taste of the world. And whatever that taste is.... I know for a fact it'll be bitter, with only a few sprinkles of sweetness... sweetness-The blessed things in our lives. Love my dear friends.... Gives us the will to keep on being alive. The masks of Joy and Happiness
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about Name: Kathy Anne lim Nick'z: Katz
Age: 14
gender:female School: kcs
Roman catholic Olps
Hobbies:Anything to do with paper, black pens and imagination
Celtic's bleed
Stickley
archives 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 links
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credits original layout w4rnawarni : listen to the music designed by w4rnawarni @ blogskins |
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