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Thursday, September 30, 2004 I'd just want to remind everyone that My phone will be confiscated for a month so don't sms or call me on my hp yea? thanks byeez!- Kathy/Kitty/kit-kat/Kutz/Katz....
Thursday, September 23, 2004 The Emotional Roller Coster.Well I suppose here i go again, another day of my killing myself inside. Listening to songs like 'far behind-candlebox','Eels-I need some sleep' and 'It's a motherf**ker-Eels'.... Particularly sad songs which always bring me to a state of utmost depression. And to think, just this afternoon i was having a great time fooling around with good pals... somthing just HAD to change that I suppose. I guess i'm supposed to be happy about it. But I guess that it's been way too long since i've been havin that feeling, I took the blow the first time, second, third, fourth and nows the fith. I guess that it can't hold much longer. I've got to say that it's proberbly been the worst year of all to me. Too many roller-coster rides with different people have gotten me confused, down, annoyed, angry and in a worse state than i've known before. And just like all roller coster rides, once you take too many, You just get sick. Now's the case that i'm just sick and tired of everything. Ppl see me in mac's, school, church whatever. Wearing my happy face, a mask which cover's myself, the wonder's of pretending seems to fascinate me mentally. As usual with my phrase of versatile expressions. Truth is, I have a huge habit of covering up my sadness, worries, tearings, hurt, pain etc. with joy, happiness and laughter. A habit which i've held for a long long time. A darkness seems to be overpowering me very strongly. Suppose it's time for me to go to confession. And somehow, i believe that that very same Dark power, are my ghosts of past and present. Stupid things that seem to cling and add to my horrible state no matter what i do. That's what i get I suppose... for being such an idiot. without special ppl in this crap filled world, i've already have hung or suffocated myself a long long time ago. And to everyone, the church a wonderful place, don't abuse it. I suppose I'm still young, and proberbly haven't had the full taste of the world. And whatever that taste is.... I know for a fact it'll be bitter, with only a few sprinkles of sweetness... sweetness-The blessed things in our lives. Love my dear friends.... Gives us the will to keep on being alive. The masks of Joy and Happiness
Tuesday, September 21, 2004 I sat,watching him walk by. He never seemed to notice, He didn't seem to care. But that was nothing new. Not more then 2 yrs I've sacrificed, covered up, fought for him. but he still doesn't know how much pain, suffering and hardship i've gone through for him. He used to make me happy, somehow, and always brightened up my day. He made me feel whole, complete, Perfect. In my own way. I thought i had the same effect on him too, turned out that i could have been wrong. He used me, Abused me, Made me feel sick just thinking of it. But, I suppose i did let him take advantage of me. I played along, pretending and refusing to know. but then I realised, got to my senses. I refused, rejected, and that's good i suppose. But why do i still feel this way. He used me, taught me. why do i still tear myself to sleep every night? hurt myself for a useless asshole like him. It was my heart screaming in pain, for the mere thought of him not knowing how i feel. He was there to confort. to heal my wounds of a tourmented heart. But now there was no one- who listened. Then I forgave and forgot. still even with the scars, the scars of one searching for an answer to all. and peace was made, between the lord and I. Now he's worse off. We don't talk. All my 'friends' are now the one's he talks laugh's with etc. and all i get are the memories of how we were before. He's a retard. as for all i ment to him, was nothing. and all he ment to me, was everything in the world. But yet, It pains. And i still feel as though he's a part of me. a part of me that will never come back. but now it seems as though i've found that piece, that's possibly just as amazing and wonderful. and it seems that i'm the one this time who had him hurt. But i'll never make that same mistake again. I swear. But why you ask? Why did i put up with everything he did? It's because, he was the first, who made me feel Love.
Sunday, September 19, 2004 Mr BumpMorning... been a week or 2 since i've acctually written a whole blog... Been tied up and shacked like crazy. It's 8:37 on a fine sunday morning. On thursday, 16th sept. We celebrated nathalie anne Galisten's real birthday and to all those who didn't hear about her other birthday party.... Well, It was just awsome. Shan't go to detail... so you can hear about it from other ppl's blog's like fuzzy, Daryl etc. Back to thrusday.... We (Angeline, clarrissa, Nathalie, Taralyn and I) went to mac's. we bought her a slice of tiramisu cake which Ryan Tan in the end ate. Possibly as he didn't have any money to eat in the first place. Anyway, we bought the slice of cake and stuck a single candle on it then walked into mac's and sang a loud happy birthday to nathalie, which obviosly made her malu... How wonderful friends we are... haha... oh well... friday was pretty normal.. accept that I went to watch "Bourne supremacy" (I can't spell) with my parents.... pretty kewl show... Bout spies n stuff.... The camera scene's would make ya dizzy But the storyline n all is awsome... Saturday... drama- we had to do a different version of 'little red riding hood'.... I ended up being the rock-pink-haired-carnivourous-vampire-grandma... and just from that... I suppose you could guess how wacky MY grp's story was.... dance.... Learned a kicking thing.... It's too confusing to mention... went novena and cat class where we learned the ministries of the church n all.... Somthing I found out... Nai n lyn r together! *applauses* after so bloody long n all.... Finally. then harsha, alex, alexcia, wesley n me were downstairs... at first i was sitting by myself and writting my secret shit n all n then harsha n wesley being nice wonderful ppl came to accompany me... Then we scratched certian stuff away from a certian table in church... To all those reading this.... Don't ever write stuff on the tables... Don't ever write stuff like eg." shit+vomit= etc." It's just not nice... ppl who see that or what happens if even she/he sees that... how the hell is that person gonna feel? What if someone wrote that about you? Even though you really hate the person ot wad it's just unreasonable understand? but if you write things like eg."Let's go to the prata shop..." that can....... nobody's stopping you... but not things about real people... It scars. anyway... had a wonderful buffet at mandrin hotel for my dad's birthday n all... haha... was damn good. I'm going to church later.... R.G's gonna sing for 1.30 or 2 mass.... and i gtg early to choose a skirt from harsha... Coz i have no nice one's of my own.... Oh well... gtg n all.. Stay sweet ppl... stay sweet... MR Tickle
Monday, September 06, 2004 EVERYONE.... Please note that daryl is famous thanks to Me... please refer to my earlier Blog. Thanks to glorious and marvellous me.
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about Name: Kathy Anne lim Nick'z: Katz
Age: 14
gender:female School: kcs
Roman catholic Olps
Hobbies:Anything to do with paper, black pens and imagination
Celtic's bleed
Stickley
archives 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 links
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credits original layout w4rnawarni : listen to the music designed by w4rnawarni @ blogskins |
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